A true story I am suprised I never wrote about.

 Let me first preface this writing with the fact that I was required to write a narrative essay in an active voice.  I created an outline, a rough draft, and 4 final drafts.  I am really hoping to get a good grade.

      A few years ago I experienced an unpleasant confrontation with a pleasing outcome. To the best of my knowledge I am not running late. I head out to drop the kids off at school one early morning. The route to my kids school travels through Coast Guard housing, not a low income housing by any means. However, what happens next may challenge the casual onlookers opinion about this. As I drive near a band of women, most of them with coffee mugs in hand and children by their side. I hear someone shout, “Slow down!”. What goes through my mind at this point I better not mention. Pride coupled with womanly hormones explains my inexcusable behavior. Imagine the look on the offenders face when she sees my reverse lights. Now with my vehicle in position, I have the nerve, to roll down my window and start a yelling match with a woman, I have never met in my life. I proceed to yell at her about the fact that she does not know how fast I was going and has no right to yell at me. All this happening right in front of God and everybody and I am too selfish to think about my children in the backseat trying to make sense of this senseless act. As I drive away, I am not entirely surprised by the lack of ease I feel over having put that woman in her place. Instead, I feel like a jerk. Yelling across the road at some lady is rude and in no way Christ like behavior. I am telling myself very soon after the incident that I need to apologize to that woman. The second turn of events is making me nervous enough to rethink my decision. I have a number of excuses for why I shall just keep driving. Alas, I have no choice. I drive my usual route for about a week before I have the opportunity to encounter this crowd of Coast Guard spouses again. It is now upon me, my chance to make amends that I am very reluctant to take. This time I must stop the van for a different agenda. As I shamefully stare at the group, scanning for the lady while they are all looking back at me, or at least it seems that way. I realize I forget what she looks like and have to ask another woman to “Please get the lady I had a confrontation with the other day.”. As the lady approaches I have no idea what she is thinking or how she will react., She is quiet, and I tell her that I am sorry for how I had behaved last week. She, in turn even apologizes for yelling at me. We have a very forgiving conversation. In the end, I am ashamed at the way my children saw me behave, but am equally happy they are able to see the meek resolve by two moms who made a poor judgement call.

The (end) to the story

  I figured I owed it to anyone who read my blog post about the apology, to let you know how it "ended".

  Yesterday I seen the lady, and made haste to get to her so that this thing wouldn't go on any longer.  I apologized, and she forgave me.  Not only that, but she recognized and acknowledged how that must have been difficult and thanked me for my apology!

  The reason I quoted the word "end" is because I told her that the way I acted those 2 summers ago was not who I am, or was, and that it is discouraging to me that this was her first impression of me.

  Now that I think about it, that is/was indeed who I am, but since I am living for Jesus, I want to be who He is.  I, in and of myself  am a selfish, consumed mess of a person who prays daily to God, and is so incredibly thankful for His forgiveness through His son Jesus Christ, and am grateful that He gave this lady a heart to forgive me.  I sure hope I practice forgiveness and patience as I hope others do in me.

  Who knows, maybe her and I will be friends out of all this.  All I know is that God is amazing and there is no limit to what He will accomplish!

My apologies

  So a few years ago, I was at a frozen yogurt get together among friends.  There was this other lady there who took her child out of Mt. View and put her into the school that my children are attending for the first time this year.  My friend Wanda asked this woman during the frozen yogurt thing what was better about the new school.  The woman went on to say somethings, and I got defensive.  I said some things that were pretty shrewd, things that I can't even believe came out of my mouth.  The next day I realized the error of my ways.  The things I said were nothing Jesus would have approved of, and were certainly not spoken out of love.  The next day I got on Facebook and made a public apology for my actions, but the woman (whom I had no idea what her name was) was not a friend of mine, so she never seen it.  The reason I apologized publicly is because my comments were so asinine that everyone within ear shot deserved to be apologized to.

  One of the other moms from my daughters class was telling me about this girl who was going to be my daughters classmate and that she looks like and reminds her of my daughter...her name is actually a nickname we call my daughter some times.  This morning I was curious to see what this little girl looked like.  I spotted her right away because she did have some similar features, then I really wanted to see her mom to see if she looked like me...she didn't look like me.  Can you guess by now who she looked like?  OUCH!  It was the woman!!! The one I was so rude to.  We made eye contact.  I was trying to deny in my mind that it was her, trying to look as deeply as possible to see some where, some way that this could not possibly be the woman, I didn't even know her child was in the same grade as mine.  It did not matter how hard I looked, or how much of that river in Egypt I tried to grasp...It. was. her.

  So now what?  I could swear she recognized me, I could swear she held anger and discontent toward me, I could swear she was going to go to the principal and tell him everything I said.

  I don't know how much of that is true, but I can tell you that there is a strong conviction to find her again, and explain who I am, and finally get the chance to apologize face to face.  Weather she forgives me or not, I am still sorry for what I did.

  I told my daughter that apologizing is hard for a reason.  It is hard so that we never want to do the thing again that made us sorry.  This is so true.

S.A.D season is coming, here are some tips to help stave off the symptoms

  I have lived in the Pacific NW for about 12 years now, 4 of those years were in Sitka Alaska.  I have learned ways to deal with Seasonal Affective Disorder.  This video points out 3 ways.
1. Light therapy
2. Exercise
3. Socializing
  I can tell you folks that these things do make a difference, but may I add one more?  Of course I can, this is my blog...
4. Read the bible, and pray.
S.A.D. creeps up on me when I least expect it, and it is a battle I face in winter time.  I really do think of it as a trial in my life.  The things I do to keep this disorder at bay are all things that are good for me and in the long run improve my quality of life.
My symptoms of S.A.D include
Headaches
Anxiety
Cravings for refined sugar
Depression
I personally combat all these symptoms with the prescription above, and actually number 4 should be number one...but you all knew I was going to say that.

  I used to really let that stuff get the best of me.  I used to complain about it A LOT.  I used to let it consume me.  I am so glad that it doesn't have that power any more.

Please contact your doctor if you suffer from this disorder, he or she can help you, and if you need medication...I did at one time :)

Take care friends.

Girding up the loins for school!

With the promise of school starting on September, I am trying to get things in order.  I thought it might be time to get a new printer.  I have had mine for roughly 8 years.  The reason I didn't want to get a new one was because it was perfect and did just what I needed it to do.  Yesterday when I went to get new cartridges, I couldn't find one of the numbers.  Then I went online and found them, but thought to myself...

"if you cannot find your cartridges...it may just be time for a new printer"

  Also, I really needed something wireless.  I was excited because I was going to be able to print from my PC desktop...The one we bought in 2003.  I am guessing you know what I am going to say next.  Yep, the software is not supported by the computer, or something like that.  Basically the computer is too old.  Is that insane?  Something I bought in the two thousands is too old?  Why does time fly so fast?  I am so grateful this is only a 15 month school because I just don't know how long I am going to have to make a career out of such a physical job!

This is what I decided on...not bad for $50

  My daughter was on the computer last night playing something called Moshi Monsters, and it kept freezing on her.  She said, "mom why is it doing that?"  I told her it's just the internet trying to freak me out because it knows I am starting an online school on September 17th."  At least that's what it feels like.  If that happens, this is what I will look like!

  I can't tell you how glad I am that this in an online school.  I get really nervous when it comes to starting new things, I am a person of habit, and I think that is why I love running so much.  I love to have new things, but doing new things is a different story.  All that to say, I would be really nervous at the thought of walking into a new classroom with all kinds of new faces.  Maybe that's my problem with my girls going to a new school.

This photo is labeled College Classroom...I am like 20 years older than these people!!

  I believe I have already expressed being worried about being sedentary and my muscles becoming weak and packing on the pounds because I will be sitting in front of the computer all day.  Even with my runs, that can be dangerous depending on how much I eat.  So I got myself (with my birthday money) a Nike+fuelband!  I am on my second day of using this thing.  I love the Nikefuel aspect of it, if I were to compete to earn the most fuel with others it would be even more fun, but I am so leery of connecting online with strangers.  I have already earned a lot of fuel with the nike+ running app, and can see how I compare with others so that is nice.  I also love that I can set goals for myself and when I complete a goal I receive rewards.

I am actually feeling excited for this 1/2 marathon coming up in October.  My first half in July I think I was more nervous than anything, but I was thinking this morning on the run how I don't have to run fast, then I was thinking I would run fast because the other people would be an inspiration to do so.  I also was thinking about the fact that the first mile is about the crowd thinning out, so it won't be as painful as when I am running all those free radicals out during training.  Yesterday I told my runner friend Christina that I was going to be doing the Girlfriends Half Marathon, and she said she would run it with me!  Yippee!!  How exciting is that?  I think we would do great together because even though I have always been nervous to run with someone, I think this will be different because we will know how to respect the "zone" and it will be so nice to have someone to express concerns with, or just to point out how beautiful the scenery is!  

Bryan College - Advanced Health & Fitness - Justin

This is a short video about the college I will be attending.  I will be going to Bryan University, it is Bryan Colleges online school.  I am so excited!  The man on the video speaks of how well rounded it all is, and last night when I was going over the curriculum, I was finding that to be true.  This degree will go far beyond just training people.  They are going to teach me how to run a business, how to stay motivated and keep people motivated.  Job placement for life, tutoring is included.  There is so much to this program and I am so eager to learn it all!

  I must maintain a C average to remain a student, but I am aiming for all A's.  I have never gotten all A's in school, I am not even sure I got one A, but this time even if I am not able to, I am going to at least strive for it, which will be different than what I did in grade school, Jr high and high school!

  My prayer is that I use my education to the fullest to help people.  I am so thankful to God for making this a possibility.

Have you ever had this much doubt in yourself?

  There are lots of things I thought I wanted to do with my future, but just never felt secure that I had the capabilities to learn.  It started when I was a child.  I used to imitate the women on the news talking in that "news reporter voice".  So I thought I wanted to be a journalist.  Now thinking back on it, a journalist is one who writes, a reporter is more like what I was aiming for.

  Then I got a little older and people told me I was a good writer.  Yes I am very aware that I make MANY grammatical errors in my writing of blogs, but I don't have an editor, and if I were to bother my one friend who is willing to edit every time I wanted to publish my writings, she would be bored out of her mind, not to mention I had a bad experience with someone editing an article I once wrote.  He changed so much, that I felt like a complete idiot because what he wrote sounded so much better than what I had said.  So that dream got dumped at the ripe old age of 19.

  My blue collar dream was to be a car mechanic.  My dad was a mechanic for my whole growing up.  He worked for Coke a Cola, and could fix any car you ever laid eyes on!  How cool is that?!  He still could fix those things...but he got smart and retired.  So when I joined the Coast Guard that was what I wanted to do...But my scores on the ASVAB (that's the aptitude test) were too low.  So at this point i'm feeling like a real winner.  Another dream lost at 19.  Hind site, maybe I should have studied a little harder for that test.

  Once I had children I discovered my love for photography.  My mom and sister were convinced that I should seek a future in it, and start up a business.  I knew I did not have enough knowledge of how to work a "real" camera.  I played around with an old camera my husband had and got some beautiful shots out of it, but never adjusted the aperture, or changed a lens on it.  I even took a short online course and just couldn't get it, then there was the creative aspect of it.  I would see other peoples photos and poses, and angles, they were geniuses  I was not.  Therefore could never make money or love what I was doing.  So instead I got my house all organized by the help of a friend and started a house cleaning business, I was to busy to take pictures, and not to mention I finally found something I felt smart enough to do, as I felt it didn't take any knowledge at all.  Looking back on this one, it actually does take a lot of reasoning...so I guess that may be a skill I possess.  I had to stop that job though do to tremendous stress. I think the stress was from trying to do too much, not necessarily the cleaning job.

This was one of my quick find "photographs"

  Then I got into digital scrapbooking and was taking advanced classes (time consuming but way worth it!)  I was working with Photoshop 5, and dreaming of CS.  So when my husband mentioned me going to college on his GI bill, I was thinking Graphic Design.  The problem with that was I was not creative. Sure if you give me a task I can complete it, but to come up with cool eye catching designs proved to be a downfall for me.  Why do I say that?  Because when I would show friends and family the stuff I had designed there was no wow factor.  I don't think my husband thought there was not much money to be made in that because he didn't push the issue.

  Over the years I just decided that I was to mentally challenged to be educated in anything that I wanted and could succeed at.  I figured this was meant to be and God just wanted me to focus on loving Him and taking care of my children...that I at least was good at.

  I am laughing because His timing is amazing.  My timing sucks.

  The thing I want to do most right now and the thing I believe I can do is help people.  My heart desires to inspire people to live a healthy lifestyle, lose unwanted weight in a healthy way without gimmicks, with the help of someone who cares more about them than their money.  That is why I have decided I want to become a personal trainer.  This feels obtainable to me because there is so much passion behind it, and so far God has blessed every effort to gain education in this endeavor.

I tell myself on almost a daily basis that:
I am not strong enough
I am not smart enough
I will gain all my weight back and get lazy being on the computer going to school all day
I only run, look at all these other people doing big things
How are you going to market yourself?
You aren't creative enough

The list goes on friends, but THIS time will be different, THIS time I am NOT listening to those negative voices, because THIS time I believe God has prepared me for this by giving me the love for people I have been praying for for years.  I have not exactly arrived in that department, but this may just be another step in my journey to get there.

  Sincerely,
Jolene