There was one time in my life that I clearly remember begging for attention.  There may be other times when I did it, but I simply do not remember doing it.

My oldest was in the first grade.  Her teacher was also our church pastors wife.  I loved my church and had a huge respect and admiration for my pastor.  I had issues with him as a person, but the way he preached was unlike anything I had ever heard before.  I learned so much over the 6 years I attended that church.   To me knowledge is a gift, and I am eternally grateful to the gift giver.  As much as I did not like this woman's husband as a person, I sure did like this woman.  She was beautiful, patent, kind, and my kids favorite teacher.  Whenever she would give me her attention, I ate it up!  I knew I was needy, I knew I was putting too much pressure on her, but I couldn't stop.  Why?  I was a lot younger, and stupid, and probably a bit insecure.  I knew by doing what I did, I was only pushing her away.

Now I look back on that situation and think about how embarrassing it is, and honestly wonder why I tried so hard to get close with this woman?!?  Why do we try so hard for an unrequited love?  I had everything I needed and all I could ever want!  My husband, a faithful, loving man and an incredible father who would give me the world if he could.  I even had good friends who WANTED to spend time with me, who loved me and thought I was worth hanging out with.

What I can say is that I must have learned a huge lesson back then, because now, if I even remotely begin to act needy  toward someone who does not give me the attention I deserve, I WALK AWAY.  Call it jaded, slighted, or pessimistic, but if you do, you will be missing the point.  I can walk away because I do two things.  1. I pray.  My prayers give me the power to turn my eyes from the worldly distressing thing that is happening to me, and turn my eyes toward Jesus.  2.  I put my focus on the people who do give me the attention and love I deserve.  I find importance in my family more than the things/people who really aren't worth my attention.  It has been a long time coming to this way of thinking.

So what prompted me to write this?  Not what you may think.  You may be inclined to think that there is someone in my life who I have been behaving this way toward, nope, I assure you that is not it.  I am actually not going to admit what prompted me to write it, but I had to get it off my chest, and if you are one of those people who are needy and clingy to the person who does not want anything to do with you STOP IT!!  They are not a bad person, they just don't have a connection with you for some reason.  LET IT GO.  You are not going to change, and whatever it is you do that annoys them, is probably not going to change, and even if you change it's probably too late.  So go find someone who loves your quirky little habits and enjoy their company!  And if there is no one in the world who feels that way about you…it's time to evaluate the reason why.  Might I suggest getting on your knees before you begin your evaluation.

Reflecting today

I woke up this morning feeling philosophical.  Today marks a milestone birthday.  I was thinking about what I have accomplished so far in this life.  The things I consider most important, I cannot take credit for.  Such as my wonderful Husband of 17 years.  I cannot act like I hand picked him and delivered him to myself.  I can only speculate that he is mine due to prayerful grandparents, and the will of my Heavenly Father, who in all perfectness, desired this man to be my life mate.  In regard to my children, the beautiful young woman they are becoming is due to the prayerful petitions for guidance from the Lord, then acting upon the direction I receive, and also for the parenting example I was raised with.  To my career.  I had not had a direction as to what my career should be until 2 years ago, and even then it was a prayerful choice to end up as a personal fitness trainer.  When I think of my experiences in life, what I have been through, and the decisions I have made-good and bad- I can only come to the conclusion that my career now would not have been right for me had I pursued it any earlier in life.

So, today I will celebrate with friends and family the day I was born the first time, with a very thankful heart, and a joy that is inexpressible and full of glory.  I will continue to reflect on where I have come, and where I will go.  This life has been good to me…sometimes I think too good.  Though I do not wish pestilence or peril on myself, I do desire to do more of the humble, selfless things in this life that bless others and make change that can only be made through divine inspiration.

Thank you for reading.  

A short, possibly, witness experience.

I don't doubt God's existence, I don't doubt His love for me. I accept that some people do. I have questioned why a God so powerful, and full of grace would let sin abound in this world. Even though I know the answer, I try not to question that one, but honestly I still do. It is a good thing that God being God Almighty, all powerful, does not hinge on my questions and concerns.

I pray that I would have no fear in being a witness to the wonderful glory of Jesus, and how He saves. But I do have fear, and lots of it. After seeing that movie God's Not Dead they encouraged us, the audience, to text everyone we know “God's Not Dead.” I opened up my phone, and the first person I was to include in that text, I had an excuse not to. I fumbled with it, then told myself I have way too many contacts to mess with that and made a quick exit out of the text message. Great witness hey? I know God is not beating me up about it, but I am more than willing to do that to myself.

God affirms my faith through confirmation. Some people want to see a life saved, or someone rescued from a bad situation to believe God is who He says He is. I stopped looking for that a long time ago, and here is why. We are not promised a life without sorrow, misery, or pain. We were at one time, but the first human beings did just what anyone of us would have done, and fell into temptation making the world a fallen place. He does promise us a life of joy and peace. Joy; Psalm 5:11, Psalm 16:11 Peace; John 14:27

Sometimes when I get to praying about how I wish I was a better witness, and how many opportunities I let pass by, God sends me a message through a friend, or gives me a message for a friend, and it is a wonderful reminder of how concerned He is over my little vapor of a life.

What happened today?

I was at the doctor waiting for my dreaded appointment (nothing serious, just annoying) and I was chatting with a woman there. She said she is at the age of mammograms. I asked her what age that was, and she told me 40. She said she was at risk for breast cancer because it runs in her family. She has the gene. I just spoke to someone not 2 hours earlier who has the gene, and has battled, and continues to battle breast cancer, that woman knows Jesus. The woman at the doctor office told me that if she gets it, then she will probably not pursue treatment, she will just be content to die. I thought to myself that this woman must have a great relationship with Jesus to be so comfortable with death. She must really be looking forward to heaven, so I asked her “Do you know the Lord?” She said, “Me, do I know the Lord? I said, “Yes, do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?”

“No, I do not, Me and the Lord are not friends, you see, I am an atheist”

“Oh”

“Yep, and I am totally okay with not having a relationship with God.”

“Oh, okay, so you have been asked about this?”

“Yes, lots of times.”

“Well, I know to just let that go because pressure is only going to make it worse, especially if you tell me straight up that you don't want to hear anymore about that. You understand my asking, right?”

“Oh yes, as I know that is what you are supposed to do, but they should be witnessing to Christians who aren't following the right way.” “I may not believe in God, but I have more morals that people who say they are Christians.”

I say “Oh, I did not doubt that!”

She went on to iterate how very much she did not want to hear about it because she was totally fine about not knowing the Lord, and was content with her life the way it is.
I told her “People should respect your decision, as I do, but I am going to turn around and pray for you.”

She said “Oh, thank you. You do whatever makes you feel good about yourself.” The funny thing is, as snide as that sounds...I know with all of my being that she did not mean it that way.

I also forgot to mention that I said a little something about the Lord wanting her attention by sending all these people her way, but it got quickly pushed aside...not even a second to hang in the air.

I had to really let that conversation sink in. It wasn't as uncomfortable as ones I have had in the past, but it was up there pretty good. I know I handled it the right way, and probably could have handled it even better, but I have some after thoughts.

The first thought being that God is in control, I should pray for her, and God is definitely showing himself to her (I wasn't even planning on getting into a conversation with an atheist, I thought she was a believer, remember?)

The second thought was that I had a million questions for her about where her hope lies, how does she feel about other religious beliefs, can she be a conservative and an atheist all at the same time, where does she stand with the Hobby Lobby/Obama care thing, what does she think about abortion, is she angry with me for loving God, does she think I am less intelligent because of that, do I think she is less intelligent because she does not? I am just being really super open and honest about my after thoughts, I guess hoping to expose some of the thoughts that go through peoples heads when they share the message of Jesus Christ. Do I stand alone in these crazy thoughts?

I know some things. God loved the world enough to send His only son to live in this wretched place and take on all of our sin so we may be saved, and to have life more abundantly. I know that He loves us with that kind of a love no matter what life we choose for ourselves. I know that if we confess our sins and believe in Him for eternal salvation, that we will one day wake up in the land of glory. Until then friends, I will tarry on in the exceptionally wonderful life he has given me, and pray for the strength to do something one day that is bigger than myself.

The Housekeeper

First let me say that I am glad I had some de-cluttering concepts in practice already, because this process would be taking at least a month longer if I had not.  At the beginning of this last week I had two things marked on my to-do list 1. Garage 2. Craft room.

The Garage was a one day deal, and as I mentioned in my last post, there is more to be done out there.  My plan is to park the van outside and spend an hour or two making sense out of the large cabinet that sits against the back wall.  I would also love to put some personal touches in the laundry area.  I have always loved the idea of a mud room, therefore I would like to get this as close to that as possible.  Maybe it is time to start googling ideas!

The Craft Room: Two days
This room is always a challenge for me because it is where I store every fun activity I ever took the time to learn so that I could participate in.  Sewing, knitting, scrapbooking, stamping, screen printing…the list really does go on.  About the screen printing: I have the YUDU, but in one of my hastes to clean the garage and get rid of things, I think I threw away the power cord!  I sincerely hope to find that thing because I would love to make some hoodies for my business.  Tangent, sorry.
About 2 years ago I went through my craft room and made sense out of it.  I have a lot of cabinets, so I dedicated each cabinet to a craft.  I hung a shoe holder on the back of the door to hold odds and ends, and I have a couple of rolling drawer carts that hold ribbons, paper, and sewing notions.  The main closet is built like a book shelf and there it holds the many books I bought over the years to help me learn.  The reason this room is a challenge is because while I am looking and sorting through everything, I have dreams about playing in it all.  Gotta stay on task!

I really tossed the idea around of which photos to show, as I don't want to bore you all with the craft room details, you have the choice to scroll down or stop.

 This is the back of the main door, as you can see it is multipurpose.  The bubbles can probably have a place in the storage above the RV, but I really don't want to treck out in the melting snow just to slip and fall.

 This is the closet with the book shelves where I put all of my books, including scrapbooks, and photo albums.  There is also a basket with markers, crayons, coloring books and some paper.  It makes for a quick grab when the kids and I need some downtime together.  I have found that no matter how old my kids get, they are never too old for markers and paper. (Neither am I).  This space also holds my cricut and it's cartridges.

 This unit was sold to us with the house.  Instead of using it for hanging files, I used the fact that it has big deep drawers.  The bottom right hand drawer couldn't keep up with the weight demand I put on it, so it is empty.  The other three drawers hold some sewing projects, patterns, batting, and other notions.  They also hold my knitting notions and my gym bag.  I know I mentioned that this house did not come with a coat closet…right?  It's okay, I would rather have a downstairs bathroom anyway.

 Not certain how much money I paid for this several years ago, but I don't regret it.  And to the right is of this unit is my paper divided by, specialty, patterned, colors, and plain.

 For me, this was really thinking outside the box to put my stamps in here.  My drive was to have clean counter space.  Sewing requires a lot of space for pinning and cutting.

 These are my stickers.  I love this because the kids can look through here and get my approval on which stickers they may use.

 What's left of my yarn collection on the left, and under it in the box is craft magazines mixed with running magazines.  On the right is what is left of my fabric collection.  I have so much to share with my girls, I sure do hope I don't wait till too late to teach them more of this stuff!

Above is where I found room for the sewing machine.  I would put it on the bottom shelf, but I won't fit.

So, above is where I started on Monday

This is how I finished.  I must admit I was quite frustrated that I had let things get so out of hand, but was determined to find a place for the odds and ends.  

So, what is this book I keep talking about?

I came up with the name: The Housekeeper

I think this is the closest I will ever come to having a maid.  In this binder is a system.  You have heard me talk about the Fly Lady, well I have read her book 

Sink Reflections

This is the book I read, this is how The Housekeeper came to be back in 2007.  I loaned out my copy and have no idea where it is now.  I just hope it is being passed around and helping others as it has helped me.  After I had put this into practice I knew I needed help as far as organizing, not long after, I found Monica :)  She helped me think outside the box, and to get things off my counters and put where they belong.  She helped me to realize that just because I am going to use it everyday (toaster) that doesn't mean it needs to sit out where I have to look at it every day.  She taught me to sort, group, and repurpose, she taught me to shop within and make a space my own.  She taught me to simplify and streamline.  I am grateful to her, and The Fly Lady.  

Here are the details of my binder:

Daily tasks are the things that need to be kept up daily, such as putting away hot spots, sweeping the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher…etc.  I have put my sheets in plastic coating because I love to cross things off my list.  

Weekly tasks are for the things that need to be kept up once a week, dusting, sweeping, linens, cleaning mirrors, emptying trash from all the rooms in the house.

Zones are the things that need to be done once a month, the deep cleaning stuff.  Catching the clutter that has built up, the scrubbing cabinets, cleaning out drawers, scrubbing shower and bath.  (During the daily tasks, showers can be sprayed down with 409 or a similar cleaner.  I have cleaning baskets in my bathroom for such tasks.  

Here are my examples:

Daily

Bathroom tasks

Empty dishwasher

Load of laundry

Check calendar/make phone calls

Reconcile check book

Put away hot spots

Feed Dogs

What's for dinner?

After Dinner

Clean up from dinner

Do hand dishes

Sweep kitchen and dining room floors

Pick up downstairs area

Hallway, living room, dining room, piano room

Make coffee

Go over errand list for tomorrow, make any necessary additions.

Weekly Cleaning list

Monday
Task	Dust living room and Piano room furniture Clean out the van
Tuesday
Task	Change bed linens
Wednesday
Task	Empty old food out of refrigerator Clean bedroom and hall mirrors
Thursday
Task	Scrub kitchen and dining room floors Empty trash from bathrooms, upstairs, kitchen and laundry. Clean out purse
Friday
Task	Mop bathroom floors vacuum all floors
Saturday
Task	Make ahead soups burgers and dessert.

Zone One

Entrance and Hall: Tuesday

Dust chair rail

Dust baseboards

Dust light fixtures

Clean switchplate and finger prints on walls around

Vacuum cobwebs

Sweep and mop floors

Front Porch and Back Deck: Thursday

Sweep down cobwebs

Sweep off porch

Wipe off banisters and light fixtures

Get rid of unwanted items

Add your own personal touches to welcome guests :)

Dining Room and Piano Room: Monday

Vacuum cobwebs

Dust Windowsills

Dust Chair rail

Clean Windows

Wipe cabinet, safe, piano, desk, coffee table

Dust light fixtures

Sweep and mop floors

Craft Room: Wednesday

Wipe all surfaces

Vacuum cobwebs

Sweep and mop floors

Get rid of unwanted items

Zone 2

The Heart of The Home

Monday: Clean the oven, top of stove and microwave, scrub two cabinets.

Tuesday: Empty refrigerator of unwanted food and clean thoroughly, scrub two cabinets.

Wednesday: Clean light defusing bowls and light fixtures, wash inside window, clean two cabinets.

Thursday: Sweep and Scrub Kitchen floors

Vacuum cobwebs, Scrub two cabinets

Wipe fingerprints off light switches and walls

Friday: Straighten drawers and cupboards, wash canisters and knick knacks, scrub two cabinets.

Saturday: Clean coffee pot and under sink, wash additional cabinets.

There are 3 more zones, and of course you will make this your own if it is something you decide to do, but I just wanted to give you an idea of what I am doing.  I figure one hour a day or less and I will be good to go!  I have also begun to map out my days as far as what times I will be doing this, what times I will be spending time in my studio, time helping kids with homework, and the other stuff for which I did not plan.

The red book above means so many things for me.  It means always clean baseboards and chair rails, no more dusty guitar.  It means company can give me a 15 minute warning and I will be ready for them.  It means a clear mind for personal touches.  It means thinking twice before I bring another piece of clutter into my home.  It means more time with my Jesus, more time with my family, more time to dedicate to my business.  For me, a clean home, and a healthy body will always require a step by step plan.  That is just the way it is.  So I have my bible, my binder, my training schedule, and Dr. Fuhrman's program.  I'd say I am one content lady.  

I have taken most of the artwork off the walls to create a blank slate.  This stuff is currently hanging out in the spare room waiting for Katie to come help me with placement.  

I know my triggers for set backs

As the wind blusters, and the snow swirls around outside, I am thankful to be safely warm at home.  I also figured that this would be a good time to add to my poor neglected de-cluttering situation.

The one "room" I was able to tackle this week, so far, was the garage.  I am keeping in mind that there are still some changes I could make to it, but it is exhausting work and I just wanted it to be done.

 This kind of thing happens to my garage more often than not.  I have had this thing so spiffy, and then it's like I just stop trying, then I get overwhelmed.

Unfortunately some of the stuff that looks like clutter are summer toys that need this storage at the moment.

I am at a point where I have really begun to put the hammer down on routine cleaning.  I also have my girls helping me.  One way I learned from the Fly Lady  on how to keep a bathroom clean is to wipe down the surfaces, toilet, and swish in the toilet bowl with the brush daily.  With her plan the whole bathroom is kept clean in this type of style, you just don't ever have to do it all at once.  My girls (with incentive) clean the bathrooms in the morning everyday before school.  Their other before school task includes making sure the pets are fed and watered, on top of making certain they are ready for school.  I think I may add that they be sure their rooms are picked up.  That way when they get home from school, the only thing they need to worry about it homework.  We have put into place the idea of rinsing out ones dish and putting it into the dishwasher.  Everything takes time.

As I am still in the process of getting all the rooms de-cluttered I feel as though I cannot commit the hour a day it takes to complete the morning, evening, daily, and weekly tasks yet.  I would rather commit that one hour to de-cluttering.  So what am I doing blogging?  Oh man, I just need to share I guess.

There are two things that happen to me when I begin to keep up and use the book I made.  One is that I start to get my head above water (socks begin to have matches, all the laundry is done, all the dishes are clean an put away, the hot spots are cleaned up) and the other thing is anxiety.  I am fearful that if I do not complete my daily tasks everyday, it will all crumble.  The reason I have this fear, is because of past behavior.  Just like in weight loss, I know the cycle and the triggers for set backs.  

We bought a second dog bed, and I have begun the "kick the dogs off my couch" process.  I plan to train them to stay off my couch, then I will clean it and put a very nice couch cover on it.  Here is my method.  

I have to put stuff on the couch constantly so they do not get on it.  

In return, they can get accustomed to laying in their beds.

I am going to go for now because as it is, I cannot sit in one place for too long knowing that I could be using this time to get stuff done.  Yesterday I was a machine!  I got almost all caught up on the laundry, and was able to wash out the microwave!  When I get all de-cluttered and into full swing with my book I made, I will go into more detail of what I did.  

Thank you for taking the time to read this!  

The week before my husbands birthday

This week has been filled with excitement (race finish, husbands birthday), and little de-cluttering.   Here is what I have accomplished.

 Finally a home for my scarf collection

 Fancy shoes in boxes at the top, and the basket is holding the scarves.  I grouped my clothes together by color

 More color grouping here.

Even though my clothes are in the spare room at the moment, I am loving the order of things.  

I even busted out my master binder that gives me chores and tasks to accomplish during the week.  I have begun to incorporate a few, such as, emptying the dishwasher in the morning.  This has been such a blessing because there is nothing like coming home from the grocery store an having the ability to get started with dinner right away.  

It is so difficult not to get discouraged and just throw my hands up in the air.  I look at the rooms that I have de-cluttered and then there are messes lying around.  The kids pick them up when I ask, but I miss being able to walk into a room and just see it clean without having to ask someone to put it away.  

The other thing is the garbage situation.  It is like a contest between my husband and I of who can fill up the trash the fastest.  I always say "I will just make a run to the dumps."  Of all the things in my schedule to do, the dumps are out of the way.  

I know, I know, and yes, I would like a little cheese with my whine.  

Next on my agenda is the garage and craft room.  I think once I clear out the garage it will be another monumental task out of the way.  This week was nice also because I did not have any runs scheduled.  It is good to take a week off after a half marathon (for those of us who do not run full marathons).  So, today I head out for 5 miles on the treadmill, then tonight is date night, tomorrow is church and Super Bowl, next week I have several appointments, kid activities, and some client training sessions (which I love), and so it goes. 

This is why I am blogging it out people.  I am sure you can relate.

It takes a village

As I am currently in the throws of de-cluttering I wanted to share a few things about what's been going on.  First, I feel very good to be back on track, back to business.  It really helps to have someone holding me accountable.  If you are wondering why am I blogging instead of working, Hey, we all need a break here and there!  Monica has been emailing me with questions and just plain keeping me on board.

Today I decided to stop lamenting about the closet situation upstairs, and decided to tackle the bathroom.  I keep pulling myself every which way.  I tell myself that this room, no, this room, no this room…and on it goes.  Today I said, "Jolene, every room needs to be done, therefore you must pick one, no priority necessary, just pick ONE.

One thing I have noticed is that I am determined to have a place for everything, but the problem is that I do not want to re-store the items back in the same place they were, when I know they go somewhere else, I just don't know where yet!  So I have made my spare room my catch all until I can get all rooms de-cluttered, and my mind opened.  The things I do NOT store in the spare room are: Good Will stuff, and the baskets labeled "to another room".   I try to empty the "other room" basket after every de-clutter session, and today I am making  run to GW before I pick up the kiddo's.  So, the spare room currently holds: Sheets, my entire clothing and shoe collection, the printer, kids shared toys, and then the stuff that actually goes in that room.  I am very excited at the thought of putting things where they make much more sense.  My other family members might not be so excited as I am, but they'll get used to it :).

I have a lot of storage space in my bathroom, which is where I housed my sheets.  This house did not come with a linen closet.  I did not have to throw out stuff, as much as put stuff where it belongs.  It will never cease to amaze me at the items which end up in the bathroom!

A word about the organizer lady situation…

Thursday I had lunch with my friend Katie, I was telling her about the de-cluttering situation/progress.  I told her about not knowing where to place things, and how I was looking for a decorators eye.  She said, well I am pretty good with that stuff, I can come over and help you.  It was like a huge light bulb went off over my head.  I am talking flood light here.  Katie is the first one I thought of when I thought of asking for help, as her house is very simplified and immaculate!  The reason I did not ask her is because I was mortified at the thought of her seeing my mess in the deepest extent.  But now that I am seeing things getting cleaned up and looking better, I am all for it!  She will be coming to help me with the decorator portion.   YAY!!!!!!!!!

This took me to another thought, I have been thinking and praying over this situation with the organizer lady coming out to help me.  Every time I think about her coming out here, and think of what I need from her, and the cost of it all, I am just uneasy.  Being a personal trainer, I can understand needing something and paying good money for it, but would I be getting what I need for the price?  I cannot say I know for sure, because so far I have not really given her a chance, but there was no peace about her coming out here.  I went to her website that had been down for about a week, and finally was able to see before and after photos.  She got the stuff organized and cleaned, but the after photo was not stunning to me, not for the price she asks $50 hr.  Also I had to look at how God has shown me the help I can get within my very own village.  As women, we should glean from each other and never underestimate the power of helping a friend.

I explained all of this to Monica over the phone, and we came up with a place for my sheets and blankets. The kids sheets can go in their bedroom closets.  The extra blankets can go in the linen space in the kid's bathroom.  We had a long discussion about the entryway and what to do.  She suggested I look up entry ways online.  I did, and got some great ideas!

 This "bench" is actually a desk topper that has not been in use for a long time, and was taking up space in our master bedroom.  I took the idea Monica suggested about having a storage bin of some sort that the stuff to go upstairs can go into.  The baskets on the top are my kid's baskets.  This morning all I had to do was ask the kids to take their baskets upstairs and unload them in their rooms.  VIOLA!!!  I am thinking of refurbishing the "bench" and decorating the wall with some family photos or something, this would be Katie's department.  The space is not finished, but it's a good start!

 My husband likes to exaggerate and weave through the entry way like it's an obstacle course.  It is not really that tight of a fit. Company has a place now to put their keys.

This is the sewing table that so desperately needed a home.  Monica gave me Kudos and congratulated my new skill to shop within!  I love that I already had the stuff to make this happen.  

Today is Jan 28th and I had to write down what my plans are so I would not get overwhelmed.  I am tackling laundry mountain, and grouping my closet items, then cleaning out the girls bath.  I also hope to get some client stuff accomplished.  I plan to have more photos of progress by the end of today!