Friday, November 28, 2014

There was one time in my life that I clearly remember begging for attention.  There may be other times when I did it, but I simply do not remember doing it.

My oldest was in the first grade.  Her teacher was also our church pastors wife.  I loved my church and had a huge respect and admiration for my pastor.  I had issues with him as a person, but the way he preached was unlike anything I had ever heard before.  I learned so much over the 6 years I attended that church.   To me knowledge is a gift, and I am eternally grateful to the gift giver.  As much as I did not like this woman's husband as a person, I sure did like this woman.  She was beautiful, patent, kind, and my kids favorite teacher.  Whenever she would give me her attention, I ate it up!  I knew I was needy, I knew I was putting too much pressure on her, but I couldn't stop.  Why?  I was a lot younger, and stupid, and probably a bit insecure.  I knew by doing what I did, I was only pushing her away.

Now I look back on that situation and think about how embarrassing it is, and honestly wonder why I tried so hard to get close with this woman?!?  Why do we try so hard for an unrequited love?  I had everything I needed and all I could ever want!  My husband, a faithful, loving man and an incredible father who would give me the world if he could.  I even had good friends who WANTED to spend time with me, who loved me and thought I was worth hanging out with.

What I can say is that I must have learned a huge lesson back then, because now, if I even remotely begin to act needy  toward someone who does not give me the attention I deserve, I WALK AWAY.  Call it jaded, slighted, or pessimistic, but if you do, you will be missing the point.  I can walk away because I do two things.  1. I pray.  My prayers give me the power to turn my eyes from the worldly distressing thing that is happening to me, and turn my eyes toward Jesus.  2.  I put my focus on the people who do give me the attention and love I deserve.  I find importance in my family more than the things/people who really aren't worth my attention.  It has been a long time coming to this way of thinking.

So what prompted me to write this?  Not what you may think.  You may be inclined to think that there is someone in my life who I have been behaving this way toward, nope, I assure you that is not it.  I am actually not going to admit what prompted me to write it, but I had to get it off my chest, and if you are one of those people who are needy and clingy to the person who does not want anything to do with you STOP IT!!  They are not a bad person, they just don't have a connection with you for some reason.  LET IT GO.  You are not going to change, and whatever it is you do that annoys them, is probably not going to change, and even if you change it's probably too late.  So go find someone who loves your quirky little habits and enjoy their company!  And if there is no one in the world who feels that way about you…it's time to evaluate the reason why.  Might I suggest getting on your knees before you begin your evaluation.

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