Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Pause for emotion

My husband is on project duty, for the rest of the school yearS.  Right now we have the beluga whale model being created.  When I see the project sprawled out on the dining room table, I am not upset about the mess.  I am elated that I can go about my de-cluttering, homework helping, memory verse recital hearing, state capitol memorization policing, dinner making, laundry doing…you get the idea.  I am no good at those school projects.  The teacher requires 75% of the work be done by the child.  The last project I helped with, the teacher said "It is good when I can see that the child has actually done most the work."  Yep, that's how good I am with those projects.

Have you ever asked God to examine your heart?  To show you what you need to change?  I have, and on occasion still do.  I have found that when I do that, I get to see things that make me very uncomfortable and unhappy.  It is never enjoyable to see how I have allowed the ugly junk to creep into my heart and out of my emotions and, sometimes, words.  It hurts to know that I am not as great as I imagined myself to be (tongue-in-cheek).  Though I may have never imagined myself to be great, I certainly can get high on my hog every now and then.

Even though I am not high on my hog when it comes to my house, I guess I had not truly examined it before.  The deeper I get into this adventure, it has caused me to take a microscopic look at the mess I have created.  As I not only notice all the stuff I have that I do not need, or that is out of place, I am forced to notice the dust that I have ignored.  I find myself saying things like, "why is this sock here?", or "how can dust be so thick?".

 All this revelation has led to a sort of downer.  Right now I am in the valley with this process.  I had a very rough week last week.  From a house in shambles and a desk dilemma, to a couple of runs gone bad (I am training for a half marathon) I was really feeling down.  Try as I might to not be in the poor pitiful me state of mind, I could not get out of my slump!

I took Friday off from de-cluttering and had lunch with my husband, that was a bright spot in my week.    Saturday I was really hoping to get the 10 mile run over with that I was feeling anxious about. When that did not happen, I went into a downward spiral.  I was nobodies friend.  I just wanted to disappear.  I had so much to do, and all I wanted to do was cry.  All because of a missed run?  Not sure.  I do know that the enemy was taking full advantage of the fact that I was feeling sorry for myself.

The next morning my husband was sitting with me on the couch drinking coffee.  This was after we had to clean 4 piles of dog puke in random carpeted spots around the house. Yes, first thing in the morning we were doing this.  As we sat there, he looked at the desk.  He said, "What if I cut the desk here?" We talked about what he was proposing and came to an agreement.  He looked at me, then looked at the desk and said "Well, I better get to working on this if I am going to get it done."  I can cry right now at why he got up off the couch and started on that desk on his day off.  I can cry happy tears at how wonderful of a man he is.   My day began to uncloud.  Not because I was finally getting the desk the way I wanted it, but because of the determination of my husband to lift my spirits.  It was as if I was being shown a huge blessing in my life of which I needed to be aware.

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