The struggle

I have struggled since childhood with homosexuality being a sin according to the bible.

I remember my mom having a friend who was a lesbian and I thought she was the most greatest person I could know!  She was a girl, and fun, and lively, and she treated me so kind.  I was confused...was I not supposed to like her?

In this past couple of years I have struggled a lot more with my stance.  I had some hard hitting questions.  But they weren't for my clergyman, they weren't for my friends.  They were for Jesus.

I wanted to know, "God, aren't I just supposed to love?"  "Am I worldly if I don't put up a fight?"  "Is America going to hell in a hand basket if I be kind and befriend gay people?"  "Lord, I don't deny that you call it a sin, but how can I keep my understanding of your Word to be true, yet witness to my fellow humans that you are an amazing loving God?"  "It's like everyone wants to hear us say it is not a sin, and love is love etc.  as much as I would love to grab onto that I idea, I know this is not the way."  "So if I can't say that, Lord, what can I say?"

I can say that the only unforgivable sin is to reject Jesus Christ's free gift of Salvation and Love.  I can say that yes, you can still be a homosexual and have a relationship with Jesus.  I can say that whatever happens with you and your sexuality and salvation after you accept Jesus into your heart is YOUR and GODS business not mine.  I can relax and say I love you no matter what...okay, well if you are not nice to me I will have a harder time loving you, but I assure you I will not judge because that is too hard and that is why it is not my job.  

The past ten months

I decided to take on a lot this year.  Every year I write myself a letter about the things that I want to accomplish in the next year, or the things that I feel are worrying me in the present year.  I do it every year at Christmas time.  It's not my idea, but I am going to take the credit for now because it's a long story of how I got started.

December 2013's letter had some specifics in it, one being that I wanted to go to church consistently.  I no longer wanted to make excuses and be lackadaisical with my spiritual growth.  I wanted my family to be able to count on going every Sunday, and to teach them that this is very essential.  So I signed up to be a teacher in the 5th grade children's ministry at my church.  It is a big commitment as we don't trade off and work only 1-2 Sundays out of the month.  We are to be there every Sunday, unless we pre arrange a substitute.  You may think this is a little overboard but I, however, do not.  The design is so that the student and teachers can develop relationships and have a trusted rapport.  I am nearing the end of a 10 month stint at this and I can say the design is exceptional.  The children can come to class knowing that at least one person they are familiar with will be there.  What a blessing!  I got growth and commitment out of it, and I hope in turn that the children's faith has grown stronger in the process, as I know mine has :)

Another commitment I took on was to host an exchange student from China.
This has been another learning experience.  I am grateful to have a glimpse of what it will be like to have had a teen age daughter before I actually had a teen age daughter (mine just turned 13!).  I have had to learn to control my temper and come away from my selfishness.  I wish I could tell you that I perfected the patience and humility thing in the last 9 months, but I don't think that is going to happen until I see St. Peter…  I have enjoyed having someone who values my advice and dare I say wisdom.  There have been plenty of ups and downs, but to participate in someones future by helping them to find their success in America has been rewarding.

Work: God has certainly blessed me with a steady flow of clients.  Right now I have a very great group of clients that have stayed with me for at least 2 months or more.  It is such a blessing to see them change, and begin to feel better!  I love engaging with each one of them, I very much look forward to my time hearing about their lives as I help them strengthen their bodies.  I love troubleshooting situations that may be stumbling blocks.  I owe a lot to my clients over the past year as I have gained so much experience and knowledge.

Running:  I have stepped up my running game to the max (in my opinion).  I signed up for two full marathons.  My client/friend Jessie has encouraged me so much more than she will ever realize, she is running her first Marathon with me in October.  My first marathon will be June 13th.  I have trained more than I ever thought possible, and in conditions that I swore off when I first started.  When I have a goal that I am bent on achieving, all my little rules go out the window.  They talk on the podcast I listen to about the big let down after you achieve your marathon and reach your goal.  That is a very real concern for me right now.  I want it to happen and be over so I can have a short break, but it's kind of like Christmas where the build up is part of the fun.  

Next year is already filling up with obligations, most of them revolving around one little (almost) 8th graders trip to D.C.

I'll keep you posted :)

Thanks for reading 

Seattle Washington, my (now) favorite city

This week end I went to Seattle, Washington.
This is a city that I have avoided for far too long.  I avoided it because of the traffic, and because I had a preconceived notion about its inhabitants.

This is now my favorite city.  I have been to:
San Francisco
San Jose
Portland
Minneapolis
Anchorage
Those are the big cities I can think of off the top of my head, and out of them all, Seattle is my favorite!

This is shocking to me because of how much I do not like the rain.  Granted the first day we were there it was sunny and beautiful.  I don't like to go to big cities because of the traffic, no parking, and crowds.  We stayed in a hotel right in the middle of down town.  You could see the space needle from our room.  We walked everywhere we needed or wanted to go.
I went there to run a really nice road race The Hot Chocolate 15K, it's a pretty big deal.  The finishers medal is gorgeous and the swag was insane!  That was the greatest way to top of the greatest girls trip.

Getting in the car on the way home and chatting about everything from dogs to running was so nice.  It was neat to have people to talk to who can really relate to running.
It was neat to be a part of my clients first race, what a privilege to run it with her.

Back to Seattle.  This city is so iconic, how could I not realize that?  Space needle, Public market, Pikes Place, The Wharf, The first Starbucks!!! HOME OF THE SEAHAWKS Are you kidding me?  I got to see all this and more.  Seattle welcomes visitors, they are excited to show off their iconic bling.  They are proud, and kind.
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I misjudged this city, just like I do people.  I have missed out on so much.  I am never excited to go to any city.  Now I am biding my time to get back to Seattle.

I am thankful to my friends for including me and showing me so much fun, and I am thankful to God for giving me the courage to do something different and protecting me.

There was one time in my life that I clearly remember begging for attention.  There may be other times when I did it, but I simply do not remember doing it.

My oldest was in the first grade.  Her teacher was also our church pastors wife.  I loved my church and had a huge respect and admiration for my pastor.  I had issues with him as a person, but the way he preached was unlike anything I had ever heard before.  I learned so much over the 6 years I attended that church.   To me knowledge is a gift, and I am eternally grateful to the gift giver.  As much as I did not like this woman's husband as a person, I sure did like this woman.  She was beautiful, patent, kind, and my kids favorite teacher.  Whenever she would give me her attention, I ate it up!  I knew I was needy, I knew I was putting too much pressure on her, but I couldn't stop.  Why?  I was a lot younger, and stupid, and probably a bit insecure.  I knew by doing what I did, I was only pushing her away.

Now I look back on that situation and think about how embarrassing it is, and honestly wonder why I tried so hard to get close with this woman?!?  Why do we try so hard for an unrequited love?  I had everything I needed and all I could ever want!  My husband, a faithful, loving man and an incredible father who would give me the world if he could.  I even had good friends who WANTED to spend time with me, who loved me and thought I was worth hanging out with.

What I can say is that I must have learned a huge lesson back then, because now, if I even remotely begin to act needy  toward someone who does not give me the attention I deserve, I WALK AWAY.  Call it jaded, slighted, or pessimistic, but if you do, you will be missing the point.  I can walk away because I do two things.  1. I pray.  My prayers give me the power to turn my eyes from the worldly distressing thing that is happening to me, and turn my eyes toward Jesus.  2.  I put my focus on the people who do give me the attention and love I deserve.  I find importance in my family more than the things/people who really aren't worth my attention.  It has been a long time coming to this way of thinking.

So what prompted me to write this?  Not what you may think.  You may be inclined to think that there is someone in my life who I have been behaving this way toward, nope, I assure you that is not it.  I am actually not going to admit what prompted me to write it, but I had to get it off my chest, and if you are one of those people who are needy and clingy to the person who does not want anything to do with you STOP IT!!  They are not a bad person, they just don't have a connection with you for some reason.  LET IT GO.  You are not going to change, and whatever it is you do that annoys them, is probably not going to change, and even if you change it's probably too late.  So go find someone who loves your quirky little habits and enjoy their company!  And if there is no one in the world who feels that way about you…it's time to evaluate the reason why.  Might I suggest getting on your knees before you begin your evaluation.

Reflecting today

I woke up this morning feeling philosophical.  Today marks a milestone birthday.  I was thinking about what I have accomplished so far in this life.  The things I consider most important, I cannot take credit for.  Such as my wonderful Husband of 17 years.  I cannot act like I hand picked him and delivered him to myself.  I can only speculate that he is mine due to prayerful grandparents, and the will of my Heavenly Father, who in all perfectness, desired this man to be my life mate.  In regard to my children, the beautiful young woman they are becoming is due to the prayerful petitions for guidance from the Lord, then acting upon the direction I receive, and also for the parenting example I was raised with.  To my career.  I had not had a direction as to what my career should be until 2 years ago, and even then it was a prayerful choice to end up as a personal fitness trainer.  When I think of my experiences in life, what I have been through, and the decisions I have made-good and bad- I can only come to the conclusion that my career now would not have been right for me had I pursued it any earlier in life.

So, today I will celebrate with friends and family the day I was born the first time, with a very thankful heart, and a joy that is inexpressible and full of glory.  I will continue to reflect on where I have come, and where I will go.  This life has been good to me…sometimes I think too good.  Though I do not wish pestilence or peril on myself, I do desire to do more of the humble, selfless things in this life that bless others and make change that can only be made through divine inspiration.

Thank you for reading.  

A short, possibly, witness experience.

I don't doubt God's existence, I don't doubt His love for me. I accept that some people do. I have questioned why a God so powerful, and full of grace would let sin abound in this world. Even though I know the answer, I try not to question that one, but honestly I still do. It is a good thing that God being God Almighty, all powerful, does not hinge on my questions and concerns.

I pray that I would have no fear in being a witness to the wonderful glory of Jesus, and how He saves. But I do have fear, and lots of it. After seeing that movie God's Not Dead they encouraged us, the audience, to text everyone we know “God's Not Dead.” I opened up my phone, and the first person I was to include in that text, I had an excuse not to. I fumbled with it, then told myself I have way too many contacts to mess with that and made a quick exit out of the text message. Great witness hey? I know God is not beating me up about it, but I am more than willing to do that to myself.

God affirms my faith through confirmation. Some people want to see a life saved, or someone rescued from a bad situation to believe God is who He says He is. I stopped looking for that a long time ago, and here is why. We are not promised a life without sorrow, misery, or pain. We were at one time, but the first human beings did just what anyone of us would have done, and fell into temptation making the world a fallen place. He does promise us a life of joy and peace. Joy; Psalm 5:11, Psalm 16:11 Peace; John 14:27

Sometimes when I get to praying about how I wish I was a better witness, and how many opportunities I let pass by, God sends me a message through a friend, or gives me a message for a friend, and it is a wonderful reminder of how concerned He is over my little vapor of a life.

What happened today?

I was at the doctor waiting for my dreaded appointment (nothing serious, just annoying) and I was chatting with a woman there. She said she is at the age of mammograms. I asked her what age that was, and she told me 40. She said she was at risk for breast cancer because it runs in her family. She has the gene. I just spoke to someone not 2 hours earlier who has the gene, and has battled, and continues to battle breast cancer, that woman knows Jesus. The woman at the doctor office told me that if she gets it, then she will probably not pursue treatment, she will just be content to die. I thought to myself that this woman must have a great relationship with Jesus to be so comfortable with death. She must really be looking forward to heaven, so I asked her “Do you know the Lord?” She said, “Me, do I know the Lord? I said, “Yes, do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?”

“No, I do not, Me and the Lord are not friends, you see, I am an atheist”

“Oh”

“Yep, and I am totally okay with not having a relationship with God.”

“Oh, okay, so you have been asked about this?”

“Yes, lots of times.”

“Well, I know to just let that go because pressure is only going to make it worse, especially if you tell me straight up that you don't want to hear anymore about that. You understand my asking, right?”

“Oh yes, as I know that is what you are supposed to do, but they should be witnessing to Christians who aren't following the right way.” “I may not believe in God, but I have more morals that people who say they are Christians.”

I say “Oh, I did not doubt that!”

She went on to iterate how very much she did not want to hear about it because she was totally fine about not knowing the Lord, and was content with her life the way it is.
I told her “People should respect your decision, as I do, but I am going to turn around and pray for you.”

She said “Oh, thank you. You do whatever makes you feel good about yourself.” The funny thing is, as snide as that sounds...I know with all of my being that she did not mean it that way.

I also forgot to mention that I said a little something about the Lord wanting her attention by sending all these people her way, but it got quickly pushed aside...not even a second to hang in the air.

I had to really let that conversation sink in. It wasn't as uncomfortable as ones I have had in the past, but it was up there pretty good. I know I handled it the right way, and probably could have handled it even better, but I have some after thoughts.

The first thought being that God is in control, I should pray for her, and God is definitely showing himself to her (I wasn't even planning on getting into a conversation with an atheist, I thought she was a believer, remember?)

The second thought was that I had a million questions for her about where her hope lies, how does she feel about other religious beliefs, can she be a conservative and an atheist all at the same time, where does she stand with the Hobby Lobby/Obama care thing, what does she think about abortion, is she angry with me for loving God, does she think I am less intelligent because of that, do I think she is less intelligent because she does not? I am just being really super open and honest about my after thoughts, I guess hoping to expose some of the thoughts that go through peoples heads when they share the message of Jesus Christ. Do I stand alone in these crazy thoughts?

I know some things. God loved the world enough to send His only son to live in this wretched place and take on all of our sin so we may be saved, and to have life more abundantly. I know that He loves us with that kind of a love no matter what life we choose for ourselves. I know that if we confess our sins and believe in Him for eternal salvation, that we will one day wake up in the land of glory. Until then friends, I will tarry on in the exceptionally wonderful life he has given me, and pray for the strength to do something one day that is bigger than myself.

The Housekeeper

First let me say that I am glad I had some de-cluttering concepts in practice already, because this process would be taking at least a month longer if I had not.  At the beginning of this last week I had two things marked on my to-do list 1. Garage 2. Craft room.

The Garage was a one day deal, and as I mentioned in my last post, there is more to be done out there.  My plan is to park the van outside and spend an hour or two making sense out of the large cabinet that sits against the back wall.  I would also love to put some personal touches in the laundry area.  I have always loved the idea of a mud room, therefore I would like to get this as close to that as possible.  Maybe it is time to start googling ideas!

The Craft Room: Two days
This room is always a challenge for me because it is where I store every fun activity I ever took the time to learn so that I could participate in.  Sewing, knitting, scrapbooking, stamping, screen printing…the list really does go on.  About the screen printing: I have the YUDU, but in one of my hastes to clean the garage and get rid of things, I think I threw away the power cord!  I sincerely hope to find that thing because I would love to make some hoodies for my business.  Tangent, sorry.
About 2 years ago I went through my craft room and made sense out of it.  I have a lot of cabinets, so I dedicated each cabinet to a craft.  I hung a shoe holder on the back of the door to hold odds and ends, and I have a couple of rolling drawer carts that hold ribbons, paper, and sewing notions.  The main closet is built like a book shelf and there it holds the many books I bought over the years to help me learn.  The reason this room is a challenge is because while I am looking and sorting through everything, I have dreams about playing in it all.  Gotta stay on task!

I really tossed the idea around of which photos to show, as I don't want to bore you all with the craft room details, you have the choice to scroll down or stop.

 This is the back of the main door, as you can see it is multipurpose.  The bubbles can probably have a place in the storage above the RV, but I really don't want to treck out in the melting snow just to slip and fall.

 This is the closet with the book shelves where I put all of my books, including scrapbooks, and photo albums.  There is also a basket with markers, crayons, coloring books and some paper.  It makes for a quick grab when the kids and I need some downtime together.  I have found that no matter how old my kids get, they are never too old for markers and paper. (Neither am I).  This space also holds my cricut and it's cartridges.

 This unit was sold to us with the house.  Instead of using it for hanging files, I used the fact that it has big deep drawers.  The bottom right hand drawer couldn't keep up with the weight demand I put on it, so it is empty.  The other three drawers hold some sewing projects, patterns, batting, and other notions.  They also hold my knitting notions and my gym bag.  I know I mentioned that this house did not come with a coat closet…right?  It's okay, I would rather have a downstairs bathroom anyway.

 Not certain how much money I paid for this several years ago, but I don't regret it.  And to the right is of this unit is my paper divided by, specialty, patterned, colors, and plain.

 For me, this was really thinking outside the box to put my stamps in here.  My drive was to have clean counter space.  Sewing requires a lot of space for pinning and cutting.

 These are my stickers.  I love this because the kids can look through here and get my approval on which stickers they may use.

 What's left of my yarn collection on the left, and under it in the box is craft magazines mixed with running magazines.  On the right is what is left of my fabric collection.  I have so much to share with my girls, I sure do hope I don't wait till too late to teach them more of this stuff!

Above is where I found room for the sewing machine.  I would put it on the bottom shelf, but I won't fit.

So, above is where I started on Monday

This is how I finished.  I must admit I was quite frustrated that I had let things get so out of hand, but was determined to find a place for the odds and ends.  

So, what is this book I keep talking about?

I came up with the name: The Housekeeper

I think this is the closest I will ever come to having a maid.  In this binder is a system.  You have heard me talk about the Fly Lady, well I have read her book 

Sink Reflections

This is the book I read, this is how The Housekeeper came to be back in 2007.  I loaned out my copy and have no idea where it is now.  I just hope it is being passed around and helping others as it has helped me.  After I had put this into practice I knew I needed help as far as organizing, not long after, I found Monica :)  She helped me think outside the box, and to get things off my counters and put where they belong.  She helped me to realize that just because I am going to use it everyday (toaster) that doesn't mean it needs to sit out where I have to look at it every day.  She taught me to sort, group, and repurpose, she taught me to shop within and make a space my own.  She taught me to simplify and streamline.  I am grateful to her, and The Fly Lady.  

Here are the details of my binder:

Daily tasks are the things that need to be kept up daily, such as putting away hot spots, sweeping the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher…etc.  I have put my sheets in plastic coating because I love to cross things off my list.  

Weekly tasks are for the things that need to be kept up once a week, dusting, sweeping, linens, cleaning mirrors, emptying trash from all the rooms in the house.

Zones are the things that need to be done once a month, the deep cleaning stuff.  Catching the clutter that has built up, the scrubbing cabinets, cleaning out drawers, scrubbing shower and bath.  (During the daily tasks, showers can be sprayed down with 409 or a similar cleaner.  I have cleaning baskets in my bathroom for such tasks.  

Here are my examples:

Daily

Bathroom tasks

Empty dishwasher

Load of laundry

Check calendar/make phone calls

Reconcile check book

Put away hot spots

Feed Dogs

What's for dinner?

After Dinner

Clean up from dinner

Do hand dishes

Sweep kitchen and dining room floors

Pick up downstairs area

Hallway, living room, dining room, piano room

Make coffee

Go over errand list for tomorrow, make any necessary additions.

Weekly Cleaning list

Monday
Task	Dust living room and Piano room furniture Clean out the van
Tuesday
Task	Change bed linens
Wednesday
Task	Empty old food out of refrigerator Clean bedroom and hall mirrors
Thursday
Task	Scrub kitchen and dining room floors Empty trash from bathrooms, upstairs, kitchen and laundry. Clean out purse
Friday
Task	Mop bathroom floors vacuum all floors
Saturday
Task	Make ahead soups burgers and dessert.

Zone One

Entrance and Hall: Tuesday

Dust chair rail

Dust baseboards

Dust light fixtures

Clean switchplate and finger prints on walls around

Vacuum cobwebs

Sweep and mop floors

Front Porch and Back Deck: Thursday

Sweep down cobwebs

Sweep off porch

Wipe off banisters and light fixtures

Get rid of unwanted items

Add your own personal touches to welcome guests :)

Dining Room and Piano Room: Monday

Vacuum cobwebs

Dust Windowsills

Dust Chair rail

Clean Windows

Wipe cabinet, safe, piano, desk, coffee table

Dust light fixtures

Sweep and mop floors

Craft Room: Wednesday

Wipe all surfaces

Vacuum cobwebs

Sweep and mop floors

Get rid of unwanted items

Zone 2

The Heart of The Home

Monday: Clean the oven, top of stove and microwave, scrub two cabinets.

Tuesday: Empty refrigerator of unwanted food and clean thoroughly, scrub two cabinets.

Wednesday: Clean light defusing bowls and light fixtures, wash inside window, clean two cabinets.

Thursday: Sweep and Scrub Kitchen floors

Vacuum cobwebs, Scrub two cabinets

Wipe fingerprints off light switches and walls

Friday: Straighten drawers and cupboards, wash canisters and knick knacks, scrub two cabinets.

Saturday: Clean coffee pot and under sink, wash additional cabinets.

There are 3 more zones, and of course you will make this your own if it is something you decide to do, but I just wanted to give you an idea of what I am doing.  I figure one hour a day or less and I will be good to go!  I have also begun to map out my days as far as what times I will be doing this, what times I will be spending time in my studio, time helping kids with homework, and the other stuff for which I did not plan.

The red book above means so many things for me.  It means always clean baseboards and chair rails, no more dusty guitar.  It means company can give me a 15 minute warning and I will be ready for them.  It means a clear mind for personal touches.  It means thinking twice before I bring another piece of clutter into my home.  It means more time with my Jesus, more time with my family, more time to dedicate to my business.  For me, a clean home, and a healthy body will always require a step by step plan.  That is just the way it is.  So I have my bible, my binder, my training schedule, and Dr. Fuhrman's program.  I'd say I am one content lady.  

I have taken most of the artwork off the walls to create a blank slate.  This stuff is currently hanging out in the spare room waiting for Katie to come help me with placement.