Bryan College - Advanced Health & Fitness - Justin

This is a short video about the college I will be attending.  I will be going to Bryan University, it is Bryan Colleges online school.  I am so excited!  The man on the video speaks of how well rounded it all is, and last night when I was going over the curriculum, I was finding that to be true.  This degree will go far beyond just training people.  They are going to teach me how to run a business, how to stay motivated and keep people motivated.  Job placement for life, tutoring is included.  There is so much to this program and I am so eager to learn it all!

  I must maintain a C average to remain a student, but I am aiming for all A's.  I have never gotten all A's in school, I am not even sure I got one A, but this time even if I am not able to, I am going to at least strive for it, which will be different than what I did in grade school, Jr high and high school!

  My prayer is that I use my education to the fullest to help people.  I am so thankful to God for making this a possibility.

Have you ever had this much doubt in yourself?

  There are lots of things I thought I wanted to do with my future, but just never felt secure that I had the capabilities to learn.  It started when I was a child.  I used to imitate the women on the news talking in that "news reporter voice".  So I thought I wanted to be a journalist.  Now thinking back on it, a journalist is one who writes, a reporter is more like what I was aiming for.

  Then I got a little older and people told me I was a good writer.  Yes I am very aware that I make MANY grammatical errors in my writing of blogs, but I don't have an editor, and if I were to bother my one friend who is willing to edit every time I wanted to publish my writings, she would be bored out of her mind, not to mention I had a bad experience with someone editing an article I once wrote.  He changed so much, that I felt like a complete idiot because what he wrote sounded so much better than what I had said.  So that dream got dumped at the ripe old age of 19.

  My blue collar dream was to be a car mechanic.  My dad was a mechanic for my whole growing up.  He worked for Coke a Cola, and could fix any car you ever laid eyes on!  How cool is that?!  He still could fix those things...but he got smart and retired.  So when I joined the Coast Guard that was what I wanted to do...But my scores on the ASVAB (that's the aptitude test) were too low.  So at this point i'm feeling like a real winner.  Another dream lost at 19.  Hind site, maybe I should have studied a little harder for that test.

  Once I had children I discovered my love for photography.  My mom and sister were convinced that I should seek a future in it, and start up a business.  I knew I did not have enough knowledge of how to work a "real" camera.  I played around with an old camera my husband had and got some beautiful shots out of it, but never adjusted the aperture, or changed a lens on it.  I even took a short online course and just couldn't get it, then there was the creative aspect of it.  I would see other peoples photos and poses, and angles, they were geniuses  I was not.  Therefore could never make money or love what I was doing.  So instead I got my house all organized by the help of a friend and started a house cleaning business, I was to busy to take pictures, and not to mention I finally found something I felt smart enough to do, as I felt it didn't take any knowledge at all.  Looking back on this one, it actually does take a lot of reasoning...so I guess that may be a skill I possess.  I had to stop that job though do to tremendous stress. I think the stress was from trying to do too much, not necessarily the cleaning job.

This was one of my quick find "photographs"

  Then I got into digital scrapbooking and was taking advanced classes (time consuming but way worth it!)  I was working with Photoshop 5, and dreaming of CS.  So when my husband mentioned me going to college on his GI bill, I was thinking Graphic Design.  The problem with that was I was not creative. Sure if you give me a task I can complete it, but to come up with cool eye catching designs proved to be a downfall for me.  Why do I say that?  Because when I would show friends and family the stuff I had designed there was no wow factor.  I don't think my husband thought there was not much money to be made in that because he didn't push the issue.

  Over the years I just decided that I was to mentally challenged to be educated in anything that I wanted and could succeed at.  I figured this was meant to be and God just wanted me to focus on loving Him and taking care of my children...that I at least was good at.

  I am laughing because His timing is amazing.  My timing sucks.

  The thing I want to do most right now and the thing I believe I can do is help people.  My heart desires to inspire people to live a healthy lifestyle, lose unwanted weight in a healthy way without gimmicks, with the help of someone who cares more about them than their money.  That is why I have decided I want to become a personal trainer.  This feels obtainable to me because there is so much passion behind it, and so far God has blessed every effort to gain education in this endeavor.

I tell myself on almost a daily basis that:
I am not strong enough
I am not smart enough
I will gain all my weight back and get lazy being on the computer going to school all day
I only run, look at all these other people doing big things
How are you going to market yourself?
You aren't creative enough

The list goes on friends, but THIS time will be different, THIS time I am NOT listening to those negative voices, because THIS time I believe God has prepared me for this by giving me the love for people I have been praying for for years.  I have not exactly arrived in that department, but this may just be another step in my journey to get there.

  Sincerely,
Jolene

I just need to write

Today is Sunday.

On Friday I prayed that God would get us to church.  For one; we haven't been for several weeks. For two; every time I know I am going to go, I wake up in the morning with a million excuses not to.
I knew this Sunday would be no exception.
The kids got out of bed and were dressed and ready to go in plenty of time.  I was completely moody and my poor husband was exhausted from a 6 day work week. We made it to church... a little late because the new dog decided to destroy the pediatric (aka not cheap) dog bed, all over the yard.
The service was great, the word was all about my favorite subject in Christianity: The bible.
Leaving Church went well too.  Eating lunch even better as we picked food up on the way and all ate at the table as a family.
Where it all went south:
One of my children came in and said that the other child said some very mean things to her, then spit on her.
So my kids have been together for the whole summer with very few breaks from each other.
Spitting is a huge NO NO

Thought number one:
I almost have the downstairs clean, and it has been so peaceful, NOW I have to worry about punishing a child in a creative way.... you know, natural consequence type stuff.  Oh how this drains me.

I want to eat now
Do you recall I just ate lunch?  I also had a couple pieces of dark chocolate.  I prefer milk chocolate, but dark curbs my appetite for chocolate even more.  Suprisingly I ignored the urge to eat because I realized something...

This war is not flesh and blood.
Spiritual warfare is the worst kind.


It has been an interesting week.  I have been dealing with being bloated, moody, and sore.

As I am typing this I have been interrupted like 6 times.  And when I say no, I get an argument.

I am feeling like a failure at being a wife.  I feel like I am cheating my kids because I don't give them enough consequences for their actions...good and bad, because I don't have them enrolled in sports, because I don't give them enough one on one time, because I haven't been doing devotions with them.  I feel like a failure because I cannot think of things to do with them.

I don't want these feelings to pass.  What I want is to correct the failures.  I wish so bad there was someone to swoop in, organize my house, and fix my behavior with my responsibilities because I clearly do not know how to do it myself.

Oh how I do love the emotional roller coaster of PMS.  Thank's Eve.

If I could be thin, I would be happy forever...

Have you ever said this to yourself?  "Those girls say being thin doesn't make you happy, but I beg to differ, If I were thin I wouldn't have a care in the world!"  I have said this to myself on many occasions.  I said it when I was 175, I said it when I was 160, and I said it when I was 147.  Now at 135, my total goal weight, I am happy to be thin, really really happy...but funny thing is...I still feel pain, I still get sad, and down in the dumps, I am still critical of myself.  

  First of all I know better than to put all my eggs into one basket of thinness, I know that the most important thing is a right relationship with Jesus.  I have a relationship with Him, but it is not where I think it should be.  I have been focusing way too much on what others think of me, and what I think of me.  Truth is it should never be about me, and as much as I am constantly drilling the fact that we should not be selfish into my children's head, maybe I should pull the plank out of my own eye.  I know I have been selfish my whole life, and the older I get, the worse it seems to get. 

  I went to church today and prayed for God to take the self out of me, to kill the flesh, help me to be humble...skrrreeeech!!! halt!!! Did I just ask God for humility?  I may as well have asked him to throw some patience in there!  I know what you are thinking; asking God for humility is really asking for it!  The reason why is because patience and humility are something God wants us to have, but in order to obtain them He gives us opportunities to practice!  There was no time wasted with this one, which right out of church I usually do face an attack or two.  

  The story:

We went out to eat for breakfast at a small restaurant chain.  They sat me in the coldest seat where the air vent was pouring cool air on me (it wasn't more than 68 degrees outside, and not shaping up to be a hot day by any stretch of the imagination) I tried so hard not to let it bother me, but pretty soon I had my hood on, then my daughter started getting cold and jumping around.  I walked up to the counter and said to the lady, "I have tried everything not to complain, but it is very cold where we are sitting"  The lady told me "okay we will fix it"  I usually don't believe them when they say this but for some reason I believed her.  Well I shouldn't have, I began to get angry and entitled...which entitlement looks a lot like this; I am paying for this meal, she totally just ignored me, they don't even care how I feel!  See all the I's in there?  Then my husband was quite irritated with my attitude, which I cannot blame him and felt bad for dampening his breakfast.  It was at that moment that I realized what had happened...weather it was God providing it or not...that, my friends was an opportunity to practice humility.  I felt at that moment like I had failed, but was also thankful that I love and trust in a God full of grace and second chances.  At that moment I decided I wouldn't blow the whole situation, so I recanted my pledge to get online and write a horrible review, I also decided against walking up to the desk and telling that girl how I couldn't even eat my food because it was cold before I could finish it, and how we would not be back and to look for my review.  Instead I reflected on all the other times when I did lose my mind and ball somebody out for mistreating me, and how horrible I felt after I had done it, and decided God is right to want us to be humble.  Isn't it funny when we realize how true it is that He really does know what is best for us...  Here's hoping I get stronger with my humility muscle, as it really truly does take strength to back down. 

  

  

    My van is in the shop so we had to take my husbands 1998 Mitsubishi Montero to the grocery store.  I told the girls it's like an adventure to use things out of the norm.  This is how we make memories; going without what we are used to.  First realization...one radio station that you don't dare try to change it because there is no antenna.  So we were rockin it old school...I was enjoying the beetles.   I was able to share some insight with my girls and enlighten them to the fact that cars didn't always have seat belts.  I was going on about the '65 Chevy pick up my dad loaned me while he was working on my '78 mustang II.  I was explaining that my mom wouldn't let me take it on the freeway because it had no seat belts.  Emily asked me what it looked like and after I was done explaining, I said "I sure wish I had that truck now"  Then I realized what I sounded like.  Oh my gosh!  I am my parents!

  On the way out of the grocery store we seen my daughters teacher.  It was nice to see her, and it also felt nice to see a familiar face.  We have lived here almost 3 years and I am beginning to see more people I know when I go into town.  It's really nice.  I grew up in California where that really did not happen.  I had always dreamed of living in a small town and seeing people I knew everywhere I went.  I kind of had that when I lived in Oregon, however...I digress.

  When we got home I was totally multi tasking, as I knew I had to have dinner ready and have the groceries put away all around the same time.  So I turned on the radio to help me along.  This little radio is hit and miss with my favorite station.  So I had to settle on another station.  Stevie Ray Vaughn's "Pride and Joy" came on and I lost it!  Out came the wooden spoon and I was all over the kitchen, dancing, singing, cooking.  I was actually having fun!  The song ended and it was like the DJ was talking to me he said "man that ended way too fast".  He must have seen my sweet dance moves going on in the kitchen and didn't want them to stop.  (If I made money by how good I can dance, I would be deep in debt).

  Later tonight my husband opened one of the kitchen drawers and he was concerned why the drawer wouldn't close all the way, so I pulled the drawer out and there were 3 oven mittens and 2 pot holders in the back of there!  I said "these aren't mine".  I was chuckling because those have been sitting back there the whole time we have lived here and I had no idea.  They are some of the ugliest potholders I have ever seen, but I am keeping them because a pot holder is a pot holder!

  So boring as it may be, there was a little glimpse into my life today.  I have more I would like to add, but my time is up I am afraid.  Good night friends.

My beef about sunscreen

  About two years ago I checked out this book about vitamins from the library, and I found the most interesting facts about vitamin D.  One of the things I read was that the sun was the best, most efficient way to get vitamin D.  We cannot get it through closed car windows, nor through sunscreen.  Our bodies get it in the summer and store it up for the winter.  For people who live in the Pacific NW, or those who never let the sun touch their bare skin, you need to read this article PLEASE!  I am getting so frustrated with the huge push of sunscreen!  I use it, but I also allow the sun to hit my skin for at least 15 minutes each time I am out in it.  click here for article from live strong Vitamin D may be more of a vital commodity than you think.  There is a difference between getting what you need and overexposure.  Thank you for your time :)

Good bye Mountain View Christian School

Something that seemed so far away, is now very near.  It's time to face it.  Our school Moutain View Christian is closing it's doors after June 8th.  I have one more week.  One more week to have most of my friends concentrated in one place.
One more week to watch these children who have a special place in my heart play.
One more week to set up and take down the lunch room in anticipation of kids sharing, laughing, and eating.
One more week to see fellow staff going above and beyond what they are required.  The extra mile.
I am not sure that I have ever worked in a place where I have seen so many people love each other and pull together as they do.  Sure it's not perfect 100% of the time, but for those times when it is, it's worth it!
So instead of sulking away the whole week, I am going to take the opportunity to just listen to, enjoy, and love on my co workers.
I will give kind encouraging words to the kids.  I will show them kindness, and love.  I will share hugs with the ones who want them, and smiles with the ones who don't.  I will be compassionate to their needs. This is nothing new that I am doing, however for this last week my eyes will be open, and I will see just how important these children are to me.
Good bye Mountain View, thank you for letting me be a part of your heritage.