If I could be thin, I would be happy forever...

Have you ever said this to yourself?  "Those girls say being thin doesn't make you happy, but I beg to differ, If I were thin I wouldn't have a care in the world!"  I have said this to myself on many occasions.  I said it when I was 175, I said it when I was 160, and I said it when I was 147.  Now at 135, my total goal weight, I am happy to be thin, really really happy...but funny thing is...I still feel pain, I still get sad, and down in the dumps, I am still critical of myself.  

  First of all I know better than to put all my eggs into one basket of thinness, I know that the most important thing is a right relationship with Jesus.  I have a relationship with Him, but it is not where I think it should be.  I have been focusing way too much on what others think of me, and what I think of me.  Truth is it should never be about me, and as much as I am constantly drilling the fact that we should not be selfish into my children's head, maybe I should pull the plank out of my own eye.  I know I have been selfish my whole life, and the older I get, the worse it seems to get. 

  I went to church today and prayed for God to take the self out of me, to kill the flesh, help me to be humble...skrrreeeech!!! halt!!! Did I just ask God for humility?  I may as well have asked him to throw some patience in there!  I know what you are thinking; asking God for humility is really asking for it!  The reason why is because patience and humility are something God wants us to have, but in order to obtain them He gives us opportunities to practice!  There was no time wasted with this one, which right out of church I usually do face an attack or two.  

  The story:

We went out to eat for breakfast at a small restaurant chain.  They sat me in the coldest seat where the air vent was pouring cool air on me (it wasn't more than 68 degrees outside, and not shaping up to be a hot day by any stretch of the imagination) I tried so hard not to let it bother me, but pretty soon I had my hood on, then my daughter started getting cold and jumping around.  I walked up to the counter and said to the lady, "I have tried everything not to complain, but it is very cold where we are sitting"  The lady told me "okay we will fix it"  I usually don't believe them when they say this but for some reason I believed her.  Well I shouldn't have, I began to get angry and entitled...which entitlement looks a lot like this; I am paying for this meal, she totally just ignored me, they don't even care how I feel!  See all the I's in there?  Then my husband was quite irritated with my attitude, which I cannot blame him and felt bad for dampening his breakfast.  It was at that moment that I realized what had happened...weather it was God providing it or not...that, my friends was an opportunity to practice humility.  I felt at that moment like I had failed, but was also thankful that I love and trust in a God full of grace and second chances.  At that moment I decided I wouldn't blow the whole situation, so I recanted my pledge to get online and write a horrible review, I also decided against walking up to the desk and telling that girl how I couldn't even eat my food because it was cold before I could finish it, and how we would not be back and to look for my review.  Instead I reflected on all the other times when I did lose my mind and ball somebody out for mistreating me, and how horrible I felt after I had done it, and decided God is right to want us to be humble.  Isn't it funny when we realize how true it is that He really does know what is best for us...  Here's hoping I get stronger with my humility muscle, as it really truly does take strength to back down. 

  

  

    My van is in the shop so we had to take my husbands 1998 Mitsubishi Montero to the grocery store.  I told the girls it's like an adventure to use things out of the norm.  This is how we make memories; going without what we are used to.  First realization...one radio station that you don't dare try to change it because there is no antenna.  So we were rockin it old school...I was enjoying the beetles.   I was able to share some insight with my girls and enlighten them to the fact that cars didn't always have seat belts.  I was going on about the '65 Chevy pick up my dad loaned me while he was working on my '78 mustang II.  I was explaining that my mom wouldn't let me take it on the freeway because it had no seat belts.  Emily asked me what it looked like and after I was done explaining, I said "I sure wish I had that truck now"  Then I realized what I sounded like.  Oh my gosh!  I am my parents!

  On the way out of the grocery store we seen my daughters teacher.  It was nice to see her, and it also felt nice to see a familiar face.  We have lived here almost 3 years and I am beginning to see more people I know when I go into town.  It's really nice.  I grew up in California where that really did not happen.  I had always dreamed of living in a small town and seeing people I knew everywhere I went.  I kind of had that when I lived in Oregon, however...I digress.

  When we got home I was totally multi tasking, as I knew I had to have dinner ready and have the groceries put away all around the same time.  So I turned on the radio to help me along.  This little radio is hit and miss with my favorite station.  So I had to settle on another station.  Stevie Ray Vaughn's "Pride and Joy" came on and I lost it!  Out came the wooden spoon and I was all over the kitchen, dancing, singing, cooking.  I was actually having fun!  The song ended and it was like the DJ was talking to me he said "man that ended way too fast".  He must have seen my sweet dance moves going on in the kitchen and didn't want them to stop.  (If I made money by how good I can dance, I would be deep in debt).

  Later tonight my husband opened one of the kitchen drawers and he was concerned why the drawer wouldn't close all the way, so I pulled the drawer out and there were 3 oven mittens and 2 pot holders in the back of there!  I said "these aren't mine".  I was chuckling because those have been sitting back there the whole time we have lived here and I had no idea.  They are some of the ugliest potholders I have ever seen, but I am keeping them because a pot holder is a pot holder!

  So boring as it may be, there was a little glimpse into my life today.  I have more I would like to add, but my time is up I am afraid.  Good night friends.

My beef about sunscreen

  About two years ago I checked out this book about vitamins from the library, and I found the most interesting facts about vitamin D.  One of the things I read was that the sun was the best, most efficient way to get vitamin D.  We cannot get it through closed car windows, nor through sunscreen.  Our bodies get it in the summer and store it up for the winter.  For people who live in the Pacific NW, or those who never let the sun touch their bare skin, you need to read this article PLEASE!  I am getting so frustrated with the huge push of sunscreen!  I use it, but I also allow the sun to hit my skin for at least 15 minutes each time I am out in it.  click here for article from live strong Vitamin D may be more of a vital commodity than you think.  There is a difference between getting what you need and overexposure.  Thank you for your time :)

Good bye Mountain View Christian School

Something that seemed so far away, is now very near.  It's time to face it.  Our school Moutain View Christian is closing it's doors after June 8th.  I have one more week.  One more week to have most of my friends concentrated in one place.
One more week to watch these children who have a special place in my heart play.
One more week to set up and take down the lunch room in anticipation of kids sharing, laughing, and eating.
One more week to see fellow staff going above and beyond what they are required.  The extra mile.
I am not sure that I have ever worked in a place where I have seen so many people love each other and pull together as they do.  Sure it's not perfect 100% of the time, but for those times when it is, it's worth it!
So instead of sulking away the whole week, I am going to take the opportunity to just listen to, enjoy, and love on my co workers.
I will give kind encouraging words to the kids.  I will show them kindness, and love.  I will share hugs with the ones who want them, and smiles with the ones who don't.  I will be compassionate to their needs. This is nothing new that I am doing, however for this last week my eyes will be open, and I will see just how important these children are to me.
Good bye Mountain View, thank you for letting me be a part of your heritage.

No supermom here!

  Sometimes I think the hardest part of being a responsible adult is trying to keep it all straight.  Just when I think I am all caught up, I remember, or see i.e.; pile of laundry, stack of papers, messy bedroom/craftroom/spare room/bathroom (take your pick).  I keep telling myself, "I am going to get organized like I was that one year in 2006!"  Do I suffer from grand delusion?  Was I really all that organized?  In my head I remember a super clean house with a place for everything, and everything in it's place. My daily work out only consisted of 20 minutes and I never once had to look at my precious babes and say "Get in here and clean this mess!!!"

  Then I think about the fact that I was not as mature as I am now, and part of the reason my workout only consisted of 20 minutes is because I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off the other 17 hours and 40 minutes of the day I was awake.  My children were too little to move from room to room making colossal messes, and I didn't have to feel guilty for cleaning their rooms because they couldn't do it themselves.  So I guess in the end there is always a trade off.  Not to mention my organization did not come on my own merit, I had help from a friend/professional organizer.  Oh how I wish she could come stay with me for a week in my new house and get me on track!  She had a special way of getting me to get rid of stuff, and a special look for when I resisted.

  So carving out time for anything extra would seem impossible right?  Ha ha, not if you're me.  It's like when you are in the car and you hear a strange noise so you turn up the radio, or when your husband sees a cobweb in the kitchen, so you get up and turn the light off.  Yep, ignore it.  Does it go away?  No, but it's all about priorities my friends.  Where do they lie?  Lately I have been getting the important house cleaning duties done, like my kitchen is clean before I go to bed at night, and the bathrooms are clean (enough), but poor Scentsy has taken a back seat, and so has sweeping and mopping...I mean I squeeze it in when I can, and I can't tell you how long the pile of CLEAN laundry has been sitting here waiting to get folded.

   But here I sit blogging.  I tell you I need to do it.  I love to read back (when I have time) on my bloogies and see where I was, and hopefully how far I have come.  I don't preted to be perfect, but I am also not going to pretend I don't strive to improve.  Part of what takes precedence in my life right now is training for a 1/2 marathon, you can read all about that on my running blog.  This is part of my improving.

   I have begun to tell myself "yes I can" to the things I thought all my life I couldn't do.  Running is one, and the other is...get ready... because no one I know believes I can do it... it's... Making dinner every night YEP, something most people have no problem achieving.  I think I am the one who doubts myself the most.  I don't like to cook.  I always pictured myself as this mom who would do crafts with my kids, have a full course meal on the table every night, a perfectly put together house, have a game night, help kids with homework you get it.  I know that's a lot to put on myself, and I KNOW it's unrealistic, but gosh it's not bad things I want, and I suppose if that were all I set out to do, it would be possible, but then my SELF gets involved and I want me time, and me time takes time away from family time.

  I guess I better leave my supermom cape in the closet for a little while longer.

Love xoxoxox
A delusional mom

Want to know more about how we got our puppy?

  If you are a Facebook friend of mine, you know by now that we got a new puppy.  Maybe I should use the term "we" a little more lightly.

  As I was trying to explain to a friend how I was not necessarily on board for a new pet, and how it had gotten to the point where I could no longer avoid the issue, she said "Oh, like a freight train."  As I contemplated what she said, I came to the conclusion, that, YES!, very much like a freight train!  Seemingly slowly approaching, even appearing to disappear at times, thenWHAM in your FACE!!!!!!

  It was mothers day and my husband informed me that this was the last Goldendoodle left in the litter, we had to go look at her at least.  I figured I would give them that.  What was I thinking?  It was Mothers day for crying out loud.  If I never have a say another day of the year, this would have been my day to say "Nope, we are not doing that on my day!"  But there's this whole thing about how it was late afternoon, sunshiny, nice, my husband had been so patient with me, and had kept the kids occupied while my mom and I were shopping.  Not to mention the whole selfless be patient thing that Jesus has been helping me work on...so I figured, I owed them at least a look at the puppy.  I think you all know what happened after this.  Oh I did put up a small argument at the place where we picked her up, but I could tell husband was standing some ground on this one.

  I think that my daughter may have been caught a little off guard with the whole "having to get up in the middle of the night" thing.  I even asked her "Did we tell you that you were going to have to be getting up in the middle of the night with the puppy before you got her?"  She said "no".  This child is drag out tired.  By the time 7PM rolls around, her eyes are drooping.  She knows she has to keep the puppy awake (she learned that the hard way) and she does, despite the fact she just wants to relax.  But through all this, I have not heard her complain once.  Emily is not a typical child, she is very giving, and patient, and does what she knows needs to be done...sure she cracks every once and a while and gets fed up like we all do, and yes there is disobedience, but for the most part she never ceases to impress and amaze me.  (I will clarify now that I have two and Emily is not my favorite because I don't have a favorite, it is just her moment to shine :))
  

Today's the day.
I am wishing I would have put some stuff together fun to do with these girls.  I tell myself that if I wouldn't have been so involved with the preparation for the cruise, that my mind would have been able to do that.  However in reality, I still would have been too busy to wrap my head around anything creative.  Hence the reason I have not knit, scrapbooked, or sewn anything since last summer :(

Last night my dear husband said "I'm going to miss you", I replied, "I will miss you too, but hey...if there were ever a week for your wife to be gone, this is the perfect week"  (as I do tend to get a little grouchy and hormonal once a month...just a little ;))